Archive

Funny Short Jokes

No Comments

i_has_a_flavor-11938

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

Dad Comments on Daughters Facebook Picture

No Comments

Funny Facebook Status Ideas

No Comments
    1. Rules of me: . . . #1 I am always right . . . #2 Just in case I am wrong see rule #1.

    They call me superficial, but I just hear “super”.

  • Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
  • That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
  • I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you!
  • Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag!
  • Do not ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wild ,the violets are dead, the sure bowl is empty, and so is your head!
  • Two crisps are walking down the road, A car stops and asks them if they want a lift, they say “No Thanks We’re Walkers!
  • X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  • woow break my heart steal my love well sorry to tell you now I am sailing away you lost me. now dont try to find me im gone goodbye see you later.
  • Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
  • Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
  • I am not convinced Bin Laden is dead! He just accepted my friend request!
  • When I die, i`m gonna have a “like” and “dislike” button on my gravestone!
  • Fish can drown dumbass. drowning means not being able to breath. Nothing to do with water!
  • Boy: So, sex at my place?
    Girl: Yah!
    Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
    Girl: OK?
    ~Later~
    …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
    Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
  • Dance!  Dance god damn it! DANCE! DANCE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DANCED BEFORE! DANCE LIKE THEIRS NO TOMORROW! DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS PUTTING THIS ON YOUTUBE!

Funny Crazy Mugshots!

No Comments

crazy-weird-mugshots

crazy-weird-mugshots

crazy-weird-mugshots

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funny Old Jokes

No Comments
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted

OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate

OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world

OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty

OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lapfunny old people

Funny Motivational Poster Situations

No Comments

Funny_Motivational

See more funny Motivational poster to share on facebook--See Gallery

Blue Taste Theme created by Jabox