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A dog is the only thing in the world that loves you more than he loves himself.
– Josh Billings
We give dogs the time we can spare, the space we can spare and the love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It is the best deal we have ever made.
– M. Acklam
Do not accept your dog’s admiration as being conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
– Ann Landers
I wonder if other dogs think poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
– Rita Rudner
The reason a dog has lots of friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.
– Unknown
The average dog is a much nicer person than the average person.
– Andy Rooney
There is no psychiatrist to be found anywhere in the world like a puppy licking your face.
– Ben Williams
Dogs love their friends but bite their enemies. That is quite unlike people. We are not capable of pure love and always mix love and hate.
– Sigmund Freud
Cats and women will do as they please. Dogs and men need to relax and get used to the idea.
– Robert A. Heinlein
If your dog is too fat, you are not getting enough exercise
– Unknown
A child’s dog teaches them fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down.
– Robert Benchley
Have you ever consider what your dog must think of you? I mean, you come home from the grocery with the most amazing stuff, pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think you’re the greatest hunter on earth!
– Anne Tyler
Anyone who doesn’t know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog.
– Franklin P. Jones
Polar buddies!
Say your prayers duke!
Do dez teef make me pretty…..
Dude, dont you have his shirt or sock to smell……..?
Warning, me jumping dog…
Some doggies, have big teeth, good noses….me, i have style….
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can’t do it, well there you jolly well are, aren’t you.
If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I’m reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Computer Dog
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