Here are some Funny Christmas Pictures..Merry Christmas

• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~Johnny Carson

• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~Shirley Temple

• Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

• Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. ~W. C. Fields

• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” ~Victor Borge

• Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.” ~P. J. O’Rourke

• The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts. ~Peter Dickinson

• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. ~Katharine Whitehorn

• Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde

• Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts. ~Anonymous

• In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’ ~Dave Barry

•I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” ~Bernard Manning

• Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts. ~Max Lucado

• I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.” ~Harlan Miller

• Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. ~Dave Barry

Twas A Computer ChristmasT’was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop, The computers were whirring; they never do stop. The power was on and the temperature right, In hopes that the input would feed back that night. The system was ready, the program was coded, And memory drums had been carefully loaded; While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene, The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green. When out in the hall there arose such a clatter, The programmer ran to see what was the matter. Away to the hallway he flew like a flash, Forgetting his key in his curious dash. He stood in the hallway and looked all about, When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out. Then, in the computer room what should appear, But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer; And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause, Chuckled: “My name is Santa…the last name is Claus.” The computer was startled, confused by the name, Then it buzzed as it heard the old fellow exclaim: ”This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.” With all these odd names, it was puzzled anew; It hummed and it clanked, and a main circuit blew.
It searched in its memory core, trying to “think”;Then the multi-line printer went out on the blink.
Unable to do its electronic job, It said in a voice that was almost a sob: ”Your eyes – how they twinkle – your dimples so merry, Your cheeks so like roses, your nose like a cherry, Your smile – all these things, I’ve been programmed to know, And at data – recall, I am more than so – so; But your name and your address (computers can’t lie), Are things that I just cannot identify. You’ve a jolly old face and a little round belly, That shakes when you laugh like a bowlful of jelly; My scanners can see you, but still I insist, Since you’re not in my program, you cannot exist!” Old Santa just chuckled a merry “ho, ho”,And sat down to type out a quick word or so. The keyboard clack-clattered, its sound sharp and clean, As Santa fed this “data” to the machine: ”Kids everywhere know me; I come every year; The presents I bring add to everyone’s cheer; But you won’t get anything – that’s plain to see; Too bad your programmers forgot about me.” Then he faced the machine and said with a shrug, ” Merry Christmas to All ” as he pulled out the plug!