Here are the top ten bad Halloween costume ideas. Hopefully you weren’t any of these.
1. A CLUMP OF SOD
You would probably think kids these days would have the common sense not to wear dirt and mower clippings as a costume, but I wouldn’t put anything past these idiots. The problem would be that half of the kids you pass from house to house would eat you, BECAUSE THEY’RE THAT STUPID THAT THEY THINK DIRT IS PROPER NUTRITION.
2. A NEWS ANCHOR
That fact that nobody would ever recognize you should be reason enough, but in case you’re still thinking about it I’ll spell it out for you. News anchors went out with teletubbies, just like yo-yos. Get with the times, man, nobody watches the news anymore, if you want to be somebody important go with Kirby Puckett or Eminem.
3. SCAR TISSUE
You do not get extra candy for making people throw up.
4. THE LETTER “O”
I do not believe in two costumes; store bought costumes and half assed costumed that usually involve tape. If you were going to dress up as the letter “O” I would fully expect you to go the extra mile and hollow out your stomach wall through the small of your back. Since you would lose half of your spinal chord in the process, I do not see this happening.
5. A CD
See above.
6. A TANK OF PROPANE GAS
The risk of being incinerated unmercifully is nothing in comparison to thirteen hundred people asking “HEY ARE YOU HANK HILL?” You’re better off just lighting a match. Or going as something else…
7. THE OPPOSITE SEX
Sure, you put on a dress as a gag on Halloween, make some strangers laugh, but before you know it you’re sneaking out of church to catch the sale at Macy’s. God is not a fan of this. I don’t think God is a fan of much. Maybe shoelaces, they seem to be on the level.
8. ANY COSTUME THAT MAY LEAD TO POOR VOICE IMPRESSIONS
There is nothing more pathetic than a kid with two chocolate rabbits taped to his head saying “Trick Or Treat” in the worst Bullwinkle voice ever. This list includes but is not limited to: Arnold, Strong Bad, and R2-D2.
9. A CAR
Not that going out as a car wouldn’t be cool x 2, just the inconvenience of going up to each doorstep, and the many lawsuits that would entail. Also given that there would be some odd 100,000 kids leaping underneath your tires at every opportune moment.
10. CHARLES MANSON
Paint on a scrappy beard, carve a swastika on your forehead, and get your friend to go as The Beach Boys. Thing is people might be reluctant to give candy to a child DRESSED AS CHARLES MANSON. They’ll turn you over to social services, of course.
