Share funny pics, crazy pictures, political, funny pictures, animals, ugly people, Jokes…
Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:
Black highlighter
Waterproof tea bags
Braille driving manual
Dehydrated water
Screen door on a submarine
Helicopter ejection seat
Air conditioning for motorcycle
Left handed pencil
Wooden barbecue
Glow-in-the-dark sun dial
Gasoline fire extinguisher
Battery-powered battery charger
Clear correction fluid
Fake rhinestones
Fireproof matches
Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
Mesh umbrella
Solar-powered flashlight
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, “Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?”!!!
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir,
I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things…
1 – The bartender is a blonde woman. 2 – The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 4 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and 5 – I’m a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister.
Do you still want to tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; “Naaaah . . . not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Fishing Buddies
Two blonde fishing buddies rented a boat early one Saturday morning and headed out for a day on the lake. They both caught their limit and headed home to fried fish dinners. The next Saturday they decided to go fishing again.
“Did you mark the spot?” asked Blonde #1.
“Yup,” said Blonde #2. “I put a big X on the bottom of the boat.”
“You dummy!” said Blonde #1. “What if we don’t get the same boat?”
Barking Dogs
A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor’s dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.
Finally, the blonde says, “I’ve had enough. I’m going to do something about this.” So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.
“What did you do? The dog’s still barking,” asks the wife.
“I put the dog in our back yard. Let’s see how they like it.”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Did you hear about the blonde who plugged her power strip back into itself to save electricity?
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
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When a blonde working at the local Taco Bell was asked to put minimal lettuce on an order she replied, “I’m sorry, we only have iceberg.”
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What do you get when you put seven blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes
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A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, “Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles.” She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.
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While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing. When she was told that it was to let blind people know when the light was red, she replied, “What in the world are blind people doing driving?”
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Did you hear about the blonde who called the county to have the Deer Crossing sign removed from her road? It seems that too many deer were being hit by cars.
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How do you know a blond has been in your office?
There is white-out on your computer screen.
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Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
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Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.
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What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes at a four way stop.
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What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
“Oh, look, Daddy … doughnut seeds.”
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How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn’t. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, “Hurry up! It’s starting to rain and the top is down.”
