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For the Fun Facts category

Dec 26

Top Ten Funny TSA Jokes

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1. “This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle’s house.” —Seth Meyers

2. “Rush Limbaugh on the radio yesterday told President Obama, ‘Keep your hands off my tea bag.’ Don’t worry, Rush, even special ops couldn’t find your tea bag.” —Jimmy Kimmel

3. “Have you heard the TSA’s new slogan? ‘We handle more junk than eBay.’” —Jay Leno

4. “TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” —David Letterman

5. “The TSA, it’s our business to touch yours.” —from a “Saturday Night Live” skit portraying TSA agents as sex workers

6. “In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don’t mind being patted down by airport security, but I don’t like it when the guy says, ‘Now you do me.’” —Conan O’Brien

7. From David Letterman’s Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent: “In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?”

8. “The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, “Hey, why can’t we have both?” —David Letterman

9. ?”You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I’d get married.” —Seth Meyers

10. “The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity.” —Jimmy Fallon

Thanks To PoliticalRoast.com

Nov 08

Amazing body Facts

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body_factsNerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

The thyroid cartilage is more commonly known as the adams apple.

The only jointless bone in your body is the hyoid bone in your throat

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Your stomach needs to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it would digest itself.

It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech.

The average life of a taste bud is 10 days.

The average cough comes out of your mouth at 60 miles (96.5 km) per hour.

Relative to size, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop even your heart.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Children grow faster in the springtime.

It takes the stomach an hour to break down cow milk.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.

Nov 04

The Dumbest Sayings

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alabamalawsDepression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever – so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Nov 02

Inspirational sayings

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smiles“Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.”
“We’re to blessed to be depressed.”

“Failure is the mother of success.”

“Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.”

“Snowflakes are some of nature’s most fragile things,
but just look what happens when they stick together.”

“Everyone gets butterflies – the trick is getting them to fly in formation.”

“Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.”

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.”

“You don’t want everything, think about it where would you put it?”

“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return.
It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.”
Arthur C. Clarke

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller

“A laugh is a smile that bursts.”
Mary H. Waldrip

“A comedian does funny things.
A good comedian does things funny.”
Buster Keaton

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
Mark Twain

Oct 22

Funny Amazing Facts

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applemonsterA crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

bananadogFebruary 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
kiwi
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but mens noses and ears never stop growing.

When Coca-Cola began to be sold in China, they used characters that would sound like “Coca-Cola” when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was “Bite the wax tadpole”. It did not sell well.

Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits.
orangemad
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

Jul 14

Funny Quotes

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pistol panda-usa-china
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you.
Satchel Paige

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

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