Act naturally

Happily married

Microsoft Works

Holy war

Found missing

Resident alien

Minor Catastrophe

Affordable housing

Near miss

Great depression

Canadian army

Phone sex

United nations

Advanced BASIC

Genuine imitation

Death benefits

Airline Food

Women's rights

Good grief

Same difference

Almost exactly

Sensitive man

Government organization

Everything except

Civil War

Good kid

Sanitary landfill

ANDERSON, S.C., July 19 (UPI) — A South Carolina couple said a dark gray mark that appeared on a Walmart receipt appears to bear the image of Jesus Christ….I would say fake…lol

Gen. John Logan officially proclaimed Memorial Day on May 5, 1868.

The first national commemoration took place on May 30, 1868, as flowers were placed on the graves of both Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.

In 1966, Congress and President Lyndon B. Johnson declared Waterloo, NY, as the “birthplace” of Memorial Day, citing a ceremony held on May 5, 1866 to honor Civil War dead.

It is believed that the date was chosen because by May 30, flowers would be in bloom all over the country.

Inspired by the poem “In Flanders Field” Moina Michael wrote a poem of her own, and came up with the idea of wearing red poppies in honor of Memorial Day.

Some Southern states have special observances specifically in honor of fallen Confederate soldiers, including Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Louisiana, Tennessee, Texas and Virginia.

In 2000, Congress passed the National Moment of Remembrance Act to encourage people to give back to the country, as well as promote commemorations of Memorial Day.

The National Moment of Remembrance Act urges all Americans to pause, wherever they may be, at 3 p.m. local time on May 30 for a moment of silence in honor of the country’s fallen heroes.

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency….Learn More

The family Radio Christian group claims this Saturday at 6pm the Rapture will happen. Yes Judgement Day! Will you be going to Heaven or staying on hell on earth?
What would be your bucket list be ? Well you better hurry?

Why does’nt she look alittle more convincing? Come on’ cheer up…it’s only the Rapture

Alabama
In jasper, it is illigal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
It is illigal to play Dominos on Sunday.
It is illigal top wear a dake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Alaska
In Fairbanks, it is illigal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
Arizona
In Tucson, it is illigal for women to wear pants.
In Globe, it is illigal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
In Glendale, it is illigal to drive a car in reverse.
In Nogales, it is illigal to wear suspenders.
Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
In Fayetteville, it is illigal to kill “any living creature”.
Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit their pay raises.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.
California
It is illigal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
In Long Beach, it is illigal to curse on a mini-golf course.
In San Francisco, it is illigal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.
It is illigal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts.
—-more Stupid Weird Laws

1. “This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle’s house.” —Seth Meyers

2. “Rush Limbaugh on the radio yesterday told President Obama, ‘Keep your hands off my tea bag.’ Don’t worry, Rush, even special ops couldn’t find your tea bag.” —Jimmy Kimmel

3. “Have you heard the TSA’s new slogan? ‘We handle more junk than eBay.’” —Jay Leno

4. “TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” —David Letterman

5. “The TSA, it’s our business to touch yours.” —from a “Saturday Night Live” skit portraying TSA agents as sex workers

6. “In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don’t mind being patted down by airport security, but I don’t like it when the guy says, ‘Now you do me.’” —Conan O’Brien

7. From David Letterman’s Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent: “In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?”

8. “The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, “Hey, why can’t we have both?” —David Letterman

9. ?”You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I’d get married.” —Seth Meyers

10. “The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity.” —Jimmy Fallon

Thanks To PoliticalRoast.com

Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

The thyroid cartilage is more commonly known as the adams apple.

The only jointless bone in your body is the hyoid bone in your throat

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Your stomach needs to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it would digest itself.

It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech.

The average life of a taste bud is 10 days.

The average cough comes out of your mouth at 60 miles (96.5 km) per hour.

Relative to size, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop even your heart.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Children grow faster in the springtime.

It takes the stomach an hour to break down cow milk.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever – so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

“Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.”
“We’re to blessed to be depressed.”

“Failure is the mother of success.”

“Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.”

“Snowflakes are some of nature’s most fragile things,
but just look what happens when they stick together.”

“Everyone gets butterflies – the trick is getting them to fly in formation.”

“Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.”

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.”

“You don’t want everything, think about it where would you put it?”

“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return.
It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.”
Arthur C. Clarke

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller

“A laugh is a smile that bursts.”
Mary H. Waldrip

“A comedian does funny things.
A good comedian does things funny.”
Buster Keaton

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”
Mark Twain